Freedom, the innate ability to feel free rather than constricted and or tied down. To fly high unrestrained. Removing the chains that have bound us. The chains of fear, resentment, guilt, doubt, and anger. The same chains that may have caused us so much pain or heartache and quite possibly created many blockages not allowing the natural flow of energy to shine through. These blockages close our hearts and lay stagnate in our sacred space, filling us up and making things murky and diluted. Pulling and tugging on us demanding our attention. By simply letting go of these chains, we allow ourselves to grow, evolve and heal on a deep level. The stagnate energy releases and moves into forward motion.
The last 18 months or so I have been on a spiritual journey of freeing myself . It has been the most trying time in my life and by far the most gratifying. I'll take you back to where it all began in the beginning of 2014. My husband, Aaron and I have three of the most amazing children. We were living the typical "American Dream". I was a stay at home mom and my husband a full fledged hard working man. My daughter, Nakaiya was 7 and in competitive dance, dancing 6 plus hours a week. My oldest son , Kaoni was 11 and playing every sport he possibly could and my youngest son, Malakai, was 3 and running around keeping me on my toes like any toddler boy. We lived a beautiful life, a incredible life and we were satisfied and content. However, I knew something was lacking and I knew it was not anything materialistic. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I didn't speak of it often but I found myself being too hard on myself. I never felt like I did enough. I never felt like staying at home was my destiny. I felt as though I had no self worth and no confidence. Every day began to feel like groundhog day. Being a stay at home mom was very challenging for me and I admittedly lacked appreciation for it. It just was not gratifying for me anymore. I had lost myself in the chaos of motherhood. I think we all lack appreciation in some way or another.
In January, my husband was told that they were doing away with his position and laying him off of his job that he had invested 7 years into it. Our stable life just got shook up right before our eyes. I think any normal response would have been sheer panic and absolute fear, right? Wrong, we really tried to look outside the box and even realized this was a huge benefit in our life. It was exactly what we had been lacking. Freedom. Freedom from a 9-5, freedom from keeping up with the Jones, freedom from honestly all the responsibilities that we had created for ourselves. Freedom from "The American Dream." This was an opportunity to embrace change and take a huge leap of faith. We had always discussed moving to Hawaii but thought it was just a dream, however, we quickly made the decision to leave our comfortable lives behind and JUMP. We decided to make that move to Hawaii, start our own business and create our real dream. We literally sold and donated most of everything we owned including our vehicles, rented our home out and set off on our new and exciting adventure.
We arrived on Big Island, and it just felt like home. The smell of the ocean made my heart so happy and I couldn't wait to dive into this new life that we were lucky enough to create. The sunsets were literally breathtaking, the stars were more intense than I could have ever imagined, we were living our real dream. We took lots of adventures and stepped out of our comfort zone, jumping off 50 ft cliffs and exploring our new opportunities. We spent countless days and nights on the beach swimming and playing with the kids. We drove around the entire island and hit up every single thing that we could. We swam with turtles and even sharks. A couple invigorating months went by and that feeling naturally faded a bit, reality set in and we then realized we were on a island in the middle of no where, away from our friends and family and we didn't really have a plan.
We had made a crazy decision to move to the most secluded place in the entire world and on top of that, we moved to a secluded and very small town full of mostly locals. Fear kicked in and it was quite an experience of human revolution for me. I started to experience a great deal of emotional and physical pain. The problem is that I could not figure out where this pain was coming from. I would get very quiet and reclusive and just want to climb in a hole. I stopped going to the beach and in fact I stopped coming out of my house all together. Thankfully, it didn't take me long to realize what exactly was going on. I had finally reached a space where I was not so busy running kids here and there and being so busy that all of my baggage that I had suppressed was starting to finally come up and not in small amounts either, it all was flying at me all at once and I couldn't dodge it any longer. I am talking piles and piles of unresolved smelly pieces of shit. In fact, the smallest of things would trigger catastrophic emotional events for me. It felt like I was in constant distress. My vibration was so low. Shit just got real.
Fortunately, I had the best support system in the world and with the help my supportive, patient, and loving husband and my soul sister, Echo, I was guided to finally let go of all that stuff I had packed into my mind and body over my lifetime. All of that fear, resentment, grudges and anger and all those trials and tribulations and traumatic things that happened to me were finally released into the universe.
I really worked very hard to stay grounded and balanced while sorting all of this out by teaching myself how to release all that stored negative energy and allow healing energy to flow back through my now open-heart. I took advantage of every technique I could. I began releasing and letting go on every full moon by writing down my fears and literally burning or drowning them in the ocean, never to be felt again. I learned this does something for our mind that is very powerful. I worked tirelessly day after day, night after night for months on end to allow myself to feel those feelings that I had never felt. I would run towards the pain rather than away from it, allowing myself to cry and scream or do whatever it is that I felt like I needed to do. It was painful and it was by far the most challenging thing I had ever done. I had began to embrace what was coming out. There was no more pushing it back down, I got a taste of freedom and now was hungry for it. I had to keep reminding myself that everything would be okay just as long as I was okay with everything. I started to fill my space with vision boards and things that inspired me. Getting back outside and enjoying my children and my beautiful environment. Out with the old, and in with the new.
Guess what? It totally liberated me. I finally set myself free to fly. I am sharing this story because I think it is our own responsibility to free ourselves from sufferings. Even if we had no control over them...no especially if we had no control over them. Nobody is going to wave their magic wand and make everything okay safe and perfect for you. You are capable, you just need to find the tools that work for you. I encourage you to make your life lighter and free yourself from yourself too.
We had made a crazy decision to move to the most secluded place in the entire world and on top of that, we moved to a secluded and very small town full of mostly locals. Fear kicked in and it was quite an experience of human revolution for me. I started to experience a great deal of emotional and physical pain. The problem is that I could not figure out where this pain was coming from. I would get very quiet and reclusive and just want to climb in a hole. I stopped going to the beach and in fact I stopped coming out of my house all together. Thankfully, it didn't take me long to realize what exactly was going on. I had finally reached a space where I was not so busy running kids here and there and being so busy that all of my baggage that I had suppressed was starting to finally come up and not in small amounts either, it all was flying at me all at once and I couldn't dodge it any longer. I am talking piles and piles of unresolved smelly pieces of shit. In fact, the smallest of things would trigger catastrophic emotional events for me. It felt like I was in constant distress. My vibration was so low. Shit just got real.
Fortunately, I had the best support system in the world and with the help my supportive, patient, and loving husband and my soul sister, Echo, I was guided to finally let go of all that stuff I had packed into my mind and body over my lifetime. All of that fear, resentment, grudges and anger and all those trials and tribulations and traumatic things that happened to me were finally released into the universe.
I really worked very hard to stay grounded and balanced while sorting all of this out by teaching myself how to release all that stored negative energy and allow healing energy to flow back through my now open-heart. I took advantage of every technique I could. I began releasing and letting go on every full moon by writing down my fears and literally burning or drowning them in the ocean, never to be felt again. I learned this does something for our mind that is very powerful. I worked tirelessly day after day, night after night for months on end to allow myself to feel those feelings that I had never felt. I would run towards the pain rather than away from it, allowing myself to cry and scream or do whatever it is that I felt like I needed to do. It was painful and it was by far the most challenging thing I had ever done. I had began to embrace what was coming out. There was no more pushing it back down, I got a taste of freedom and now was hungry for it. I had to keep reminding myself that everything would be okay just as long as I was okay with everything. I started to fill my space with vision boards and things that inspired me. Getting back outside and enjoying my children and my beautiful environment. Out with the old, and in with the new.
Guess what? It totally liberated me. I finally set myself free to fly. I am sharing this story because I think it is our own responsibility to free ourselves from sufferings. Even if we had no control over them...no especially if we had no control over them. Nobody is going to wave their magic wand and make everything okay safe and perfect for you. You are capable, you just need to find the tools that work for you. I encourage you to make your life lighter and free yourself from yourself too.
